Freud was right~

Sorry, I don't have any photos to go with this blog - actually, I'm not sorry:)

After using pit toilets in China, I have to say that Freud was right. I admit it: I have penis envy. Now let me first say that, for the sake of health, pit toilets may be a good idea – gravity being a fact of life on earth. If it weren’t for the necessity of clothing, they might even be convenient. That said, let me continue.

One learns to take a deep breath before entering any public toilet in China, holding it till the procedure is complete. Another thing to keep in mind is that none of the public facilities provide a supply TP, so check your purse or pocket before venturing forth. (point number one: men don’t have to worry about this when peeing). Next, remember to check your pant legs and, in fact, the other parts of your pants (or skirt) to make sure they are bunched up around your knees and that nothing is hanging down in danger’s way (point number two: men don’t have to worry about this either).

The next thing is aim: this can be trickier than you think, when you are a female. I wish I could say that Chinese women are experts in this, due to practice, but from the evidence on the floors, I regret to say this is not the case (obvious point number three: men actually enjoy this part).

Probably the most insulting experience in this arena, was the one I had at the hospital in Tian Jin. As fate would have it, these were automatically flushing squat toilets, unbeknownst to this unwitting user. Fortunately I had a wad of Kleenex in my right hand when the water exploded beneath me, it saved my physical face, if not my metaphorical face (in the Chinese sense of the word). I was very happy that I had some of those handy pre-moistened towelettes in my bag to take care of my very damp derrière.

The final offense came at the Beijing airport, when a kind Australian girl that I met in the first class lounge, (thank you Matthew, for the frequent flyer tickets!) offered to watch my bag while I used the facilities. Yep, you guessed it. In spite of lotion, Q-tips, fancy little hand towelettes and a real sit-down toilet, there was no toilet paper – although the dispenser was there. Thank you for the little hand towelettes, and welcome to China: “We pursue to be excellence.” ☺